Russian dissent: We are nothing against the tanks

When I spoke to K. two weeks ago, she had just fled Russia with her three children. She did not want me to use her name or disclose her location because of fear of reprisals against her family still in Russia. Here is some of what she had to say:

I am a citizen of the Russian Federation. I live in a big city in the middle of Russia. I have three children and I work as a freelance translator. I have many Ukrainian colleagues and friends. This situation is very personal for me.

In February of this year, we started to realize that war was being discussed. Then all of a sudden, we woke up one morning and found we have a war with Ukraine. It was unimaginable.

Russia is so big and there are so many people, it’s hard to say what the general opinion is. My impression was that most people were against war. Almost half the people in Russia have relatives and connections in Ukraine.

People were saying openly that they were against it, that they don’t see how this can be happening. And it was like that for two or three days. And then, all of a sudden, the propaganda began working. And day after day, I saw the opinion changing.

Then people started to say – well, it’s not so obvious who’s at fault here, and maybe the president knows what he’s doing, and maybe this is the right thing to do, and so on. Public opinion changed rapidly. In a very short period of time, the majority was actually supporting the war. I think that blow was even more severe than the beginning of the war itself.

For those of us speaking out, our reality changed rapidly. We are now prohibited from speaking about the war. It’s now against the law to even say ‘net voyne‘ – no to war. Just these two words are against the law. It’s against the law to use the word war itself; the law now prescribes using the words special military operation.

It’s against the law to support Ukrainians in their fight. It’s against the law to post any information that might put the army of the Russian Federation in a bad light. So now everyone who is opposed to the war – and that’s many people, a huge number of my friends and colleagues – they are all the same as myself . . . breaking the law.

We are outsiders now. We cannot speak about the war. We cannot post anything about the war. We had to delete all such material from our Facebook profiles, from Instagram, from everywhere, because we are at risk of spending the next 15 years in jail. We all have children, we all have something to lose.

Facebook was a huge resource of unbiased information for us in Russia. It’s not the same as what you get on state TV. Facebook is now closed, Instagram is now closed. All the blogs are closed. Telegram channels are closing. So it’s just like 1937 in Russia. It’s amazing to me how that could have happened within 10 days. If someone had told me this was possible, I would say that this person is crazy, that it’s not possible. I would say it takes years to bring a huge country to a level like that. But it took 10 days.

Anyone who does not support the absolute power of the current president is called liberal and considered to be an outsider. For those of us who oppose the war, it’s natural to stick together. And after years of open communication on Facebook and social media, the civil rights movement in Russia was quite strong. Many of us have been vocal about all kinds of causes – helping political prisoners, helping homeless people, helping cancer patients . . . animal and human and environmental rights.

We have become a huge community of people united by common causes. We’ve enjoyed this practice of doing things together. But when everything was shut down for us, well, our method of communicating and sticking together, it’s more complicated every day. You start looking at each word, knowing that someone can put you in prison for saying it. It’s a lot more difficult. It’s scary.

My kids are shocked. They’re scared. They don’t understand what’s going on. The government is trying its best to use propaganda in schools as well. Teachers receive government documents that state exactly what you should be saying to kids of this or that age. So then teachers are just teaching propaganda. But they have to do it. Those who refuse get fired.

The brainwashing and the propaganda is like a tumor, like a cancer, eating the organism of the country. I just woke up one day and thought I cannot even breathe anymore. It was too suffocating. I don’t see how I can fit in in Russia anymore.

I used to be an optimist. All my life. My friends would say that I’m a crazy optimist. Unfortunately, I don’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I know that it’s going to end someday, only because it cannot last forever. But right now the night is extremely dark. I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping. I even had to make an effort to breathe.

I think about my children who will have to live with knowing that we were part of an unlawful regime, a regime that’s actually killing people and trying to conquer the neighboring sovereign country. We had high hopes for this generation who did not know anything about the Soviet Union. But now they’re back to where our grandparents were.

I think about what Germany had to go through to become a civilized country after Hitler. They had to repent for a very long time. Meanwhile, the Russian Federation never fully condemned Stalin. To this day, there has always been talk about Stalin being a hero because he won the war.

I want the world to know that Russia is not Putin. There are lots of people who are so strongly opposed to everything he’s doing and especially to this disgraceful and shameful war. And there is absolutely nothing that we can do because the concept of protest simply doesn’t work here. It’s a totalitarian state.

If a million people go out into a square and say they’re against anything, they will just be shot dead, and things will continue as they were. We’re nothing against the tanks. We cannot do anything because the Russian state is a huge machine that will not listen to our voices. Russia will say – well, we have lots of space. We have lots of prisons. We can fill them up.

But we do exist, and we are many, I just want the world to know that.

K. has now reunited with her husband who also managed to leave Russia. They do not know what their future is – where they will go or how they will support themselves. They just know that as Russians who openly oppose the war, they cannot return – certainly not now, probably not ever. She had this to add:

Much has changed since we last talked. I’m even surprised to read that I said we are outsiders in Russia; because now we are enemies and betrayers, guilty of high treason. And with the death penalty being revived, the idea of going back is not tempting at all.

If not me, then who?

On International Women’s Day earlier this week, I had the opportunity to speak to Olga, 23. Originally from Lugansk in Donbass, this is the second Russian invasion she’s lived through. Today she volunteers at the train station in Lviv near the Polish border, helping a seemingly endless stream of Ukrainian refugees flee the country under Russian attack.

Here is some of what she has to say:

For me, this is like dejà vu because I’ve already seen it. I was 15 when it started in Lugansk, where I lived, in the Donbass region. It was the winter of 2013 when it all began to crash. I was in the 10th grade. We had our dreams about exams and how we will celebrate the end of the year.

Then all of a sudden, every lesson in school starts to begin with questions of – is Ukraine going to be in the European Union or going to go with Russia, and so on? And this was not what we, 15-year-olds, were interested in. We wanted to talk about movies and books. But all of that just vanished in a moment.

I turned 16 in June 2014. A week after my birthday, I was walking through the city to my home and a bombing began. And my parents just started to worry that one day it might happen that I will not come home. Because men decided to do these horrible things.

So we came to Lviv. I thought it would be just for two weeks. We actually packed our bags for just two weeks. It was only me and my mom who left the city and my father and our two cats stayed in Lugansk.

Then, as the weeks became months, we decided that I should go to school in Lviv. And one day, it was September 1st, the first day of school of my last year, and my mother told me: we’re staying here, and you will not see your home in the near future.

And actually, I didn’t see it for five years. I am quite a strong person, but this was a time when I cried almost every day. Really, my childhood came to an end at the age of 16.

All my future was determined by the war. At the time when I had to choose what speciality I should study in university, I chose international relations, which now I have a masters degree in. I chose it to understand for myself how the war happens, and to help explain to other people how it happens.

It was the second year of my bachelors degree, when I was preparing for some workshops and conferences, and I just looked at the whole situation and I understood that there is nothing we can do to stop all of this. It had already begun. We saw this war. We saw these unsolved points with Crimea and with Donbass. It is like an illness. Like cancer, it started, and then it spread, and now it’s everywhere.

I chose to volunteer in the train station in Lviv because in 2014, I was only 16, and I was a person who needed help. Somebody helped me and my mother – gave us food and a home and comforted us.

Right now, I am able to give back. I can explain to those people from Kharkiv, from Kyiv, that, yes, it’s horrible, I understand you, but there are a lot of people around who can help you. Look at me. I was in the same situation and I’m right now here in front of you . . . I will help you if you need. If you need my hand, you just can take it.

People are dying. People are broken.

I can be an example. If not me, then who?

As a child in Lugansk

Seeing these people in the train station, a lot are angry and stressed. Sometimes, they cannot control what they’re feeling. They are scared and they can’t even consider taking help. So we just ask questions; where are you from? How was the road? Do you want something to eat? Just to distract them, to help them to understand that they’re not in Kharkiv, they’re not in Kyiv, they’re here in Lviv and they’re aren’t any bombs right now. They’re in a safe and calm place.

By helping them, I feel that I give to my country. Our men are in the army right now. They are protecting us. Today is International Women’s Day. And we are doing our part. This is our women’s army. This is our battlefield actually – to help those who are suffering from this war.

I will stay as long as I can. I had the possibility to leave the country the first day. But I didn’t do it in 2014 and I won’t now. I choose my country. Eight years ago, my parents gave everything – all that they have – to give me the possibility to live here, and to get a Ukrainian education.

Today I feel responsible to show them that it was the right choice. That it was not in vain. They invested in me and in my country. So I’ll do everything I can to stay here, to work here, to volunteer here. To deal with this.

I think it’s important for the world to know that – well, don’t take your life and peace in your country and your family for granted. Because as you can see, it can change at any time. One day, you have plans to go to work or drink coffee with a friend or travel to Kyiv. And then you wake up and you see that everything is gone.

Right now we would give everything – prosperity and . . . well, anything – just to have peace.

Small Ordinary Heroes

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Tetyana Struck, a translator who lives in Lviv, Ukraine, took the time to speak to me after a long day settling female refugees who had come by train from the bombarded city of Kharkiv to stay with Tetyana’s family before making their way to the Polish border. Tetyana’s 53-year-old husband, a military veteran, was preparing to leave for the Army. Tetyana is dreading the moment that her sons, 26 and 24, will have to join too; she won’t leave Ukraine until that moment comes. Her 23-year-old daughter refuses to leave, in spite of Tetyana’s pleas.

Here is some of what Tetyana said:

We started receiving guests from Kyiv since the second day of the war and today from Kharkiv – mothers of my friends, old women mostly, who managed to escape . . . from hell. It is hell there. These women are in deep shock. They are traumatized. They could hardly manage to get onto the train, because on these trains are pregnant women, women with newborns . . . older women are not a priority, of course. But still they managed.

They’re crazy from the anxiety. They were not, absolutely not, at their age ready to leave their homes with one suitcase. And I was not ready yet to see what I saw and hear what I heard. For days, they were being bombed. They could not leave their houses, even if they needed medicine because you have to stay in a long line at the drugstore, risking your life.

For 24 years, I have been in the translating business, and we have a girl, an employee of my company, Olga, who left Lugansk in 2014 when the Russians invaded and she was a young girl. We took Olga in to live with us because of course now she is very scared. Eight years have passed, and still I see in her the results of the trauma that she had when she was a girl.

I think for Olga it’s really impossible that she experiences this for a second time. In Lugansk, her mother was offered to take a green corridor out, but it’s too dangerous because they’re killing people when they cross with those corridors.

Here at my house, Olga is giving us a crash course on what to do. She tells us of horrible things.

What to do next – these were my thoughts during the whole night. More and more people are leaving Ukraine. And we still are here. I actually had a terrible dispute with my daughter, asking her to leave the city. But she refuses.

My husband volunteered to go to the army. Though he was not supposed to because he has a medical condition. But he is a former military man from the Soviet times. So he has skill and knowledge. He wants to be with the country. Tonight, we are packing his things.

I hope that it will end soon, that it won’t touch my sons. One is an IT guy, and the other is a designer. So what are the chances that they . . . I don’t want to think about this. I decided that I’ll stay with my boys until they have to go to army. My daughter also just refused to leave. All night, I am wondering whether we are making a mistake or not. I don’t have a solution.

When the time comes, I’ll probably go to the Polish border because it’s really not far from us. Probably we’ll have time to run. But I don’t want to leave Ukraine. So many people who left Ukraine are suffering from that feeling of guilt. Friends of my daughter – she’s messaging with them every day – and they all say, “we really feel guilty that we are not with you.”

Last night, when I was not sleeping, I worried that very soon, all of this bad news, all this coverage, all of this intention to help Ukraine . . . will just disappear. It will be covered with some other news. How could we face that?

Here in Lviv, we see so many things that people are doing. The restaurants are cooking and giving free food to refugees, and volunteers are taking people from other regions into their homes. People they even don’t know. There are many small ordinary heroes.

I’m really proud to belong to this country. I hope that there won’t be a necessity to leave. It is my home.

But I really want to say a huge thank you for the support we’re already getting – not just money and equipment, but even I personally have dozens of people who check in with me daily, asking whether I am okay. Sometimes, these are people I hardly know – someone I spoke to 20 years ago at a conference. It gives me strength.

It gives us some hope that we are seen not only as a country, but as individual people with their lives, with their families. I know that many countries are doing a lot for refugees – supporting them.

Lviv is such a beautiful city. It has ancient and unique architecture, a real combination of architecture. And we have great restaurants. And all these old Ukrainian traditions, kept even until now. I just want – when it’s all over, when it’s all good – to invite everyone, to invite you, to enjoy our city – our food and our architecture and our traditions. And to have a glass of wine . . . or a coffee. This is what I want for the future. I want everyone to come.

And I am sure that, eventually, we will win. Because the truth is on our side.

Denis in Bucha, Ukraine

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Yesterday I spoke to Denis – living under siege in Bucha – in a shelter with his wife and three children. Denis agreed to speak to me on camera because he is angry, and he wants the world to know what Putin and Russian troops are doing to Ukraine and its people.

Here are some of his words:

I’m from Lugansk originally, and I was forced to move from there in 2014. I had to escape Lugansk through Russia. I’ve been seeing these bastards since 2014. Everything that I’m living through right now, I have actually experienced before. And I don’t want to experience it anymore.

Right now, I’m in Bucha. And right now all around us, there is fighting – Russian rockets, missiles, a lot of buildings bombed. People around me are scared and sitting in the basement. People who are not used to war are sitting in basements. They cannot go outside because they’re afraid to be shot by Russian insurgency groups.

There are still many women and children here. My wife has psychological issues right now, and I can’t leave her alone. We have three kids. I can’t go to war. I can’t take weapons [out in the street] because I have to be next to my wife.

The Russians are disinforming people about the “green corridor” saying that you can leave through the green corridor. But I know, if you pass through the green corridor, you will be killed. Or they are saying that you can leave through a railroad station, and then I’m listening to the radio, and I hear that the Russians actually just bombed that station with a missile. This happened like half an hour ago.

What we want is that the sky gets closed. This is what we talk about all the time. We don’t want to see their planes. We don’t want to see their rockets anymore. We don’t want to see their troops. What I want to say to the Western world is just help us. We need weapons.

I’ve seen Russian insurgency groups right behind me, 16 meters away from me. We’ve been filming them; we have video cameras around our residential area and people have been filming them all over the place, blowing up cars, et cetera.

My friends who live in the suburbs of Kharkiv are seeing all of it too. They’ve seen [Russia’s] tanks, their vehicles, they’ve seen their troops and they’ve seen how the locals are throwing molotov cocktails, just to trying stop them. We’ve got the same situation. A lot of [Russian paramilitaries] all around here. They’re being killed. They’re killing people as well.

Trust me, there are a lot of them, and although we’re fighting them, we need your support. Please close the sky. We will have a chance in winning this war. We have to win.

Click here to see videos and photos Denis provided from the area of Bucha. To me, the most heartbreaking image is the US flag air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror, and the last image of Denis’ three sleeping children in the basement shelter.

Roman Shakhmatenko: Voice from Ukraine

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Yesterday, I had the opportunity to interview Roman Shakhmatenko, Deputy Minister of Environmental Protection of Ukraine, via Zoom. I cannot tell you his location, nor can I show the video of our conversation, but I can share with you some of what he said. These are his words:

I will tell you my brief story. I was born in Kharkiv Oblast, near Kharkiv, the main city, which was brutally bombed today. I grew up there until I was 13. Later, I moved to the United Kingdom, where I got my law degree. And then I came back to Ukraine.

Since then, in one way or another, I’ve been working in environmental protection. I’m an attorney at law at the moment, Ph D, a legal drafter, a father, a brother, a son…sorry… I’m not used to telling my C.V.

Right now, I am in a shelter. This is where we have to sleep during the night because of the bombs. So I am here, with friends. At the moment, I’m not able to get back to my house. And I am separated from my family.

It was at five o’clock in the morning when a friend of mine called me and said: the war has begun. I didn’t want to believe it. And then I heard a boom. (I lived at the time in Bucha.) It was really scary to be honest. First there is this panic. But then, you know, you’re the man in the family – you have to get yourself together.

Soon you get tired of being scared, and you have to get positive. Because there’s not much we can do without being positive. It’s not about sadness. I’m not sad. I’m angry. I’m scared that I’m never going to see my family again.

What Putin is doing, I don’t get it. I don’t get it emotionally or rationally. For example in Kharkiv half of the population has relatives in Russia, the city speaks Russian, and today, in residential areas, there were people being bomed, burning in cars, dead civilian people. I don’t get it. We don’t get it. We don’t understand it.

People are still working here, by the way. All of the Ukrainian government, each of us are still doing our jobs, nonstop. There is still work discipline, even with the bullets. Even the garbage is still being taken out, at least in the part of Kyiv where I am.

I have started to love my people even more during this time. Although everyone is afraid, we are strong. People are helping each other, getting together, sharing food. We’re calling each other. We’re trying to find out whether someone is alive or wounded.

And we’re proud.

We are proud of our President, and I am proud of our people. People are risking their lives, giving away what they have willingly for our future. We didn’t capitulate. Putin wanted that. That’s what he was expecting. But it didn’t happen. And it’s not going to happen.

We differ from Russians, we have different relations between the state and the citizens. You’re not going to arrest us for a peaceful protest. You’re not going to beat our children up with special forces on the main square. You’re not going to do this. We’re not going to allow this.

What would I want for US people to know? Well, first of all we are very grateful for the support we are getting at the moment from the US, UK, Canada and other friendly states. Please keep doing what you are doing. Don’t stop. Please don’t put our war news on the second place and please don’t get used to the fact that there is a war in the middle of Europe.

I guess that’s what Russians want from the US and from the world: to cool down in time, so that the world would eventually accept our tragedy and live on. Please remember that Russia attacked us today, but who can guarantee that they will not attack someone else tomorrow.

Ignorance, I believe, is one of the most serious diseases of the human kind in the 21st century, the comfort of simple decisions. I’ve seen this in environmental law – people will always try to postpone environmental decisions: they’re too difficult, they’re too costly, et cetera.

Climate change is being ignored by many politicians worldwide – some even don’t believe in it. Other states are using Russian fossil fuels, ignoring the fact that they are fueling insane dictators, who later on bomb residential houses, destroy natural heritage, and even put the nuclear safety of Europe at stake.

We have been creating our natural reserve fund for decades, carefully, step by step, and now- they are being brutally destroyed. Moreover, we have fought pollution, trying to find the necessary balance between business and state. Just ten days ago, we talked about the future of hydrogen energy in Ukraine, how it could minimize the air pollution in our cities. Well, now Russian missiles are shooting into the oil depots and creating immense soil and air pollution on the scale Ukraine has never seen. So what I am trying to say is that people all over the world shouldn’t ignore our tragedy, not now and not in the future!

There are certain things we’re asking, and it’s not much: just, close the sky, sanctions for Russians and Belorussians. Support our army, because right now it is the army of the whole civilized world. We will fight. And we will win. In many ways, we already have.

Raw Intel

with Lindsay Moran

Welcome. I am Lindsay Moran, former CIA Operative, author, consultant, citizen journalist, and mom. In Raw Intel, I feature unfiltered conversations and real time intelligence from on-the-ground sources.

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